Section 'E'

You asked for it....................

2006-06-24T14:28:00.000-04:00

I gotta make the people happy, so if it's Teddy you want, it's Teddy you'll get (at least for the next post or two). I was mulling over what story I wanted to tell next, shit there are too damn many to narrow down to just one. Then read the last comment and decided to go with that one. So I'll give you the story of the first time we went out on a date and I'll give you the story of what he did for me one Valentine's Day.

The First Date:

Here I was just really beginnning my 10th grade year in high school, and before we were even 2 weeks into school my mind was already being cluttered and bothered by what had happened to me just earlier that day (Labor Day). As I came in the house, my siblings asked me where I was and why it took me so long to get home from the beach. So I lied and said that I was hanging out with my friends, but I couldn't help but think that they could see right through my lie. I felt like there had to be a sign on my forehead say "I AM GAY!!!" just flashing in lights like the "Eat At Joe's" sign from cartoons like Tom & Jerry. I immediately went and laid in the bed with my mind just racing. As I did everyday back then, I put my Mariah Carey Music Box tape in my tape player and just let my crazy mind wonder. "I can't be gay!..........Why did I like the feeling of that hug?...........Isn't it a sin to be gay?........What if your family found out what happened?...........Why did you like the feeling of that hug?.............Why didn't you just leave the beach with your cousin?..............Why were you walking around the beach talking to a complete stranger?..........Why did you like the feeling of that hug?............What are you going to do now?..............Why did you like the feeling of that hug? So many questions! I went to sleep and the next day when I went to school I felt like I still had this "sign" on my forward and so I over analyzed any question that someone asked me. It was very weird to say the least. I racked my brain thinking about this day after day. I had to keep all my feelings inside cause I dared to talked to anyone about this subject. Before I knew it 2 weeks had passed by and I was still not sure what to do and what I was feeling. Something in me told me one day to just give it a try. I thought to myself that I wouldn't exactly be cheating on my girlfriend cause I was just hanging out with this guy, not a girl.

So finally about 15 days after the Labor Day Event I finally called this guy. I made sure to call when no one else was home so that I could have some privacy. He picked up the phone on the very first ring and I couldn't say anything. Everything I had practiced and rehearsed was all but forgotten in all my nervousness. I dropped the phone on the bed cause my hands were so sweaty. Then when I told him who I was he said that he thought that I had thrown the number away and had just accepted that I wouldn't call him back. The very first thing he did though was tell me to relax. He said that he knew that I didn't know much about all of this and that I had probably been out of my mind thinking about everything that happened and my feelings. I was just like, what is this guy, some kind of mind reader? I told him that I didn't have long to talk cause people would be home soon. So he told me that we should "chill and hangout" together on that Saturday. I agreed and we set up a time and a place for him to meet me cause I wasn't gonna let him pick me up in front of my house.

Saturday morning came and I was up bright and early at 7:00. We weren't gonna meet until 2:00 but I was nervous and anxious about the ordeal the whole night, just tossing and turning in the bed. As the hours rolled by I must have emptied my meager closet and dresser drawers about 89 times and still couldn't figure out what I was going to wear. Then I thought, "Why am I going through all this for some nigga?" So I picked out some jeans and a t-shirt (Cross Colors brand of course). So when it got to be about 1:30 I was dressed and walked to the store about 6 blocks away from my house and waited for him. He showed up about 5 minutes early. He had on some blue jeans and a white Tommy Shirt (white I later learned was his favorite color). He looked DAMN good!!! All of a sudden I was flushed with all these feelings from back on Memorial Day. My stuff immediately got rock hard. So we got in the car and drove off. We went to this small restaurant in a real nice white neighborhood, where there was SURE to be none of us black folks hanging around. I silently wondered to myself whether he either had a really good paying job or had saved up for a while. Since he was only 3 years older than me I figured the latter. He ordered first and then I ordered (I wanted to make sure my food didn't cost more than his). When I said I wanted grilled chicken breast, he interrupted by saying, "He'll have the grilled shrimp!" That meal was twice as much as his. I asked him how he remembered me saying I liked seafood and he replied, "I remember everthing about you that you've told me". I felt like I was important. I just knew I was blushing. We ate pretty quickly and then the waitress asked about dessert and I said no thanks, trying to save us a buck or two and he said, "He'll have some cheesecake!" That was my favorite and he even remembered that. By this timehe had me hanging on his every word. I mean come on, I was 15 and had never gotten this much attention from anyone.

After dinner we went to this place called Grand Prix Race-A-Rama, where they have this huge arcade and go carts and stuff like that. We race like 3 times on the go carts and he just left me in the dust each time. Then the last time he claimed that something was wrong with his steering wheel and he came in after me. He was really pouring it on now, letting me win the race and all. Then we went inside and headed to my territory, that's right, Ms. PacMan. That was my game and I took pleasure in kicking his ass over and over and over again. I wasn't gonna be nice and let him win like he let me win at the go carts. It was great time! Then he told me that it was getting late and that I should be getting home, cause he didn't want me to get in trouble and not be able to go out with him again. The whole time I had forgotten about my family and home life and now that he brought it back to my mind, I immediately started to think that I was wrong for being there with him. Part of me was having a great time and now all of a sudden part of me was scared again. So we left and he said he wanted me to come back to his place. I got scared and said no. He said he understood and went to a park where he parked the car and we could talk. He talked to me about my feelings and how I was feeling about this whole thing about being with a guy and stuff. I told him that I really didn't think that I was like that. He asked if he could hug me again and I quickly said yes. I wanted that feeling again. So hugged me again and this time he placed my hand on his stuff. I touched it and then moved my hand away real fast. He laughed and after the hug he said, "You don't have to be afraid, it's just my dick." Then he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled it out. At that point in my life I didn't think I was possible for dicks to be that big. It was bigger than my forearm I think. My stuff hard as a rock and by that time my underwear were soaked. He said that he wouldn't rush me into anything, but that I could call him whenever I wanted to go out again. Then he drove me home. I went to my bed and screamed in my pillow. I couldn't help but think about this guy who gave me all these weird feelings that I had never felt before. I know that the old people said that love was a funny feeling, but this was just plain weird. It was just what I needed at that point in my life.

Well that's how our first date went. It was great for me. I will tell on my next post about the Valentine's Day thing, and then after about the breakup and hopefully we will be sick of Teddy and not want to hear about him anymore. Thank God that I've kept a diary since 8th grade to remember all this stuff. Let me know what you think my experience.

GOOD MORNING.

Teddy, Teddy, Teddy............

2006-06-15T17:17:00.000-04:00

I was all prepared to write about something that I thought everyone would fine extremely funny and amusing, but just as I was finishing the first paragraph my cellphone rang, and there he was on the other end........Teddy. I know that that name means nothing to you all, but it means everything to me. Teddy single-handedly changed my whole life. We talked for roughly an hour and got caught up on what's been going on since the last time we spoke. As I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but remember how this one guy changed my whole life. My mind became flooded with all the memories from so many years ago. If you haven't figured it out Teddy was my first...first love that is, and everytime we talk I always remember that faithful day in 1994. Let's take a trip down memory lane:

Now let's remember that this is Labot Day 1994 and I was 15 years old and just starting my 10th grade year in high school. As far as I knew I was happily in love with my girlfriend Deborah. The only thing that one could remotely consider being gay was the fact that I'd sometimes see a guy and think that he was good-looking guy, but no sexual connotations at all, at least I thought. But anyway, there was DEFINITELY something in the air that day, cause I did somethings that had you caught me the day before or the day after, I would NEVER do.

Here in Miami, on Holidays like Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, and other holidays during the summer most black families would spend the day at Haulover Beach (those of you who went to Sizzle are quite familiar with this beach). The beach is swarming with black folks and to get a spot you have to basically get there at the ass crack of dawn. Well on this faithful Labor Day, my family as usual went to Haulover Beach for the holiday, and we got there at about 8AM. It got to be about 5PM and most of the family proceeded to leave and go home. I was riding with my older cousin and we were the last to leave the beach area. We walked through the underpass, that goes underneath the street, and into the men's wash room, where the parking lot was. We showered (in our swim trunks of course) and started to get dressed so that we could go home. My cousin fininshed first and told me to meet him out at the car. The next moment I can remember as vividly as I can remember my name. I was sitting on the bench in the wash room with my right foot up on the bench tying my shoe when this guy came in, looked around, locked eyes with me for about 5 seconds, then quickly exited the washroom. I don't know or understand what happened at that moment, but something did. Something flipped the mental switch in my consciousness that opened my eyes to feelings that had been locked inside my head all my life. That seemingly, meaningless 5 second stare is responsible for who I am today, or at least part of who I am.

The guy looked familiar, like someone I knew, or at least someone I wanted to know. I quickly finished tying my shoe and sprinted out of that washroom. I tried not to seem like I was anxious, or like we say down here,"pressed", so I stopped my sprint just before I cleared the door. I slowly walked out and looked around for the guy, but didn't see him. Then I turned and looked toward the women's washroom and there he was, standing next to the door of the women's washroom. I just assumed that he was waiting for his girlfriend to come out. I was standing on the sidewalk adjacent to the parking lot, and was about 10 feet in front of the door to the men's washroom. The women's washroom was about 500 feet across from the men's. Now I had some friends that were still on the beach and they had driven there own cars to the beach, so when my cousin pulled up to me in the car I did something really weird. I told him that I wasn't ready to leave, simply because I wanted to stay and look at this guy for some reason. He knew that I still had friends on the beach too, so he told me that he was going over his girlfriend's house (which happened to be really close to the beach), and for me to page him on his beeper when I was ready. He then told me that if I didn't page him by 7PM he would assume that I went home with my friends, then he drove off.

So there I was standing there on the sidewalk, like a child without a home. I was nervous and scared, but I dare not leave from where I was. I slowly turn my head to look at this guy and noticed that he was staring long and hard at me. Now in Miami, when someone stares at you like that in my neighborhood, that usually means that he wants trouble, he wants to make you the next victim of some random act of violence. This guy fit the bill too. He had that thug look, a white Tommy Hilfiger shirt, some black shorts, some black and white high-top Reebok Preseasons (anyone remember THOSE shoes??), a high-top fade, and 4 to the top (that's a Miami term that means 4 gold teeth at the top of his mouth). So now I was upset with myself for staying, thinking that this guy wanted to do me harm. I kept periodically looking back at him, and each time it was the same thing, he was intensely staring at me. After about 6 times I was so nervous I think I crapped in my shorts. I dared to make a move cause I knew that that was the thing that most guys who mugged people said that they waited for. I didn't know what to do. So then I look over there again and the guy was gone, and I think to myself, "SHIT, where did he go??????" If I was so scared, why was I all of a sudden so upset now that he was gone. I didn't know what was going through my mind, I was 15, dumb, and ignorant to all the feelings going on inside of me. I then just assumed that he had left. Thinking that I would just go meet my friends on the beach I turned toward the men's washroom to go the other way to the beach and BAM!!!! There he was within breathing distance of me, standing next to the door of the men's washroom now. At this poin, there was probably a pubble of urine on the ground beneath me, cause I could have sworn that I pissed my clothes. I thought for sure that he would cause me some bodily harm, so I braced myself for the impending assault. As I waited, he asked me the question that still makes me laugh to this date, it was the first pickup line I ever got and didn't even know it. He just out of the blue as me, "What time it is?" I had on a short-sleeved shirt, some shorts and some sandals. There was not a watch anywhere on my body. So I just said, "I don't know." He then asked me who I was waiting for and why I was at the beach by myself. I told him that my cousin was coming back whenever I paged him and all about how my family had been at the beach all day. Then I thought to myself, "Why am I talking to this complete stranger?" He then asked me, "So whatchu get into?" I said, "I get into whatever." I didn't know what he was referring to and had no way of knowing that he was asking about sex. I guess he could sense that, so he told me that he knew I ain' know what he meant but that I should just trust him, so I did. Why? I have no idea to this day. We then began to walk all over the beach and talked about everything imaginable. In our walking and talking he offered to give me a ride home and I accepted. Why? I have no idea to this day. Before I knew it, the sky was darkening and it was getting late. He then gave me his Name address and phone number on a piece of paper and told me that before he took me home that he would take me by his place and show me where he lived. Then, he took me into these large trees that looked like bushes, where we could be hidden from passers-by. I then thought that this would be the point where he robbed me or something, but for some reason I wasn't afraid.

So we went into the bushes and I leaned against a tree and he was standing about 5 feet away from me. He said, "I like you man.", to which I replied, "I like you too, you seem cool too". I didn't know that he meant that he "LIKED" me. So we exchanged I like you's another 3 times, but on the 4th time something clicked in my head and I knew what he meant then. My eyes I'm sre got real big and I probably looked mortified. He then calmed me down by reassuring me that he didn't want to do anything to hurt me or rush me into anything. He told me that he knew that I probably was fully sure of everything that was going on, but that it was not his intent at all to scare me or hurt me in any way. He then told me that even if I didn't want to admit it I had to have some feelings for him, or else I wouldn't have followed him around for all those hours. All I could think about was how wrong all of it seemed and how I just wanted to go home and get out of there. Then he did something that still surprises to to this day. He told me that he was going to try something. He can up to me and gave me a hug for about 2 minutes, although it seemed like an eternity. I felt what I later learned to be more that 12" of male phallus making a B-line toward my knees, but the hug evoked some many feelings in me that I didn't know what was up or down, right or wrong. Then he let me go and told me that if liked what I felt, and that he said he wasn't talking about his dick, that I should use the number he gave me and call him. Then we silently walked to the car and I was speechless until we got to my house. He did take me by his house and took some mail out of the mail box to show me that that was his real name and his real house. Then he drove me home. When we got to my house he asked if he could give me another hug and I said, "HELL NAW!!" and got out of the car. I stayed up all night thinking about what happened.

To make a long story short (too late for that) I thought about it for 2 weeks before I ever called him back. And the rest is history. We ended up dating until I graduated from high school. But that another stary altogether and I'm pretty sure you're already tired of this story.

Well. that's who Teddy is and how he changed my life. I could write 20 different posts on that relationship, but why should I bore all of you with that. Sorry for that my first gay experience isn't as exciting as some, but it's mine and that's all.

GOOD MORNING.

This goes against everything I stand for.............

2006-06-11T19:21:00.000-04:00

............but I feel the need to be optimistic for once in my life. All my friends know me to be a rather stupidly pessimistic person, ornery, mean, vindictive, an asshole, and anything else that would describe someone who basically not only sees the glass as half empty, but has to contantly remind you that it could just tip over spilling all of it's contents, leaving you with nothing. *****panting and breathing due to that extremely long sentence***** But anyway, I feel the need to be optimistic, even encouraging and uplifting, if I'm at all capable of that. Here goes nothing!!

Many of my friends and even some bloggers have been having men problems and don't mind sharing their bitterness with me. They go on and on and on and on about how HORRIBLE relationships are and about how they can't stand men, cause they all ain't bout shit! I even find myself doing this when I'm having BF problems. It's very easy to talk or speak out when you're upset or angry, but what about when things are ok......you know just regular......just you and yo BF going about yo daily lives together, one minute you're having sex, the next minute you're fighting. You know what I mean. I'd like to celebrate that for a change.

I want to talk about me and my baby. We woke up yesterday looking kinda rough and just decided to shoot some pics. You can find them here and here and here. It was so spontaneous and we knew we looked a mess and just wanted to take some pics of us just looking all rough and stuff. No cute outfits, no fresh haircuts, or freshly braided hair, JUST US, and we like it that way. I want to celebrate the fact that with all the arguments, frustration, aggravation, and so on, we still love each and never let the other go to sleep mad with the other. There no such thing as "you're sleeping on the couch tonight" with us. It's either together or not at all. He loves me and I love him. Gone are the days when I feel that I love someone more than they love me. Gone are the days when I have to to chase behind a nigga who ain't tryin to be found. Gone are the days when we out on a date and when the nigga phone rings, I wonder if it's his next booty call or not. I love the fact that he wants to take care of me and I don't have to be the one always paying the check, helping him out with his cell phone bill or else I don't here from him. I'm not the only one in the relationship that wants to always be with the other person.

He also is smart, funny, and old-fashioned, which is something I need in my life. Those who know me, know that I have to have someone who can calm me down, cause if you give me an inch I'll take 5 miles. He doesn't want to move to quickly, cause he feels that too many gay people fall in love, move in with each, get married, go on a honeymoon, have and raise 2 children, then get divorced all in a span of about 3 months!! Waiting is something that he has taught me and something that I have learned to really appreciate. He has everything I like, you know sexy eyes, six pack, legs like tree trunks, beautiful smile, and built like a tripod (for those of you slow girls, a tripod has 3 legs). Sometimes I just have to sit back and watch him, cause I feel so lucky to have him love me the way he does, then he'll give me a mean look and ask why the hell I'm staring at him. I know what he likes and he knows what I like. I still get horny as fuck everytime I see him naked. Even when I'm upset with him, once I hear his voice, I can't stay mad. Yep ladies and gentlemen, I'M IN LOVE and I don't mind talking about it or bragging about it.

Love is a crazy thing though, it's one of the emotions that we can rarely find the words to describe, but if we feel anger or hurt we seem to find all the words in the world. Love is more than just your eyes rolling in the back of your head during 4 hour of toes curling ecstacy. It's riding in the car with your BF and hearing a song on the radio and the two of you singing together. It's him know how you like your coffee from Dunkin Donuts. It's him remembering your mother's birthday before you do. It's him knowing when you're having a bad day and just his smile (and good sex) making all your problems melt away. Even with my ex, who I was deeply in love with; when he cheated on me, friends told me to slash his tires, go to his house and make a scene, through bricks through his windows, have my friends from "round the way" find him and do him bodily, but I couldn't. I was in love with him, and that love would not let me see him suffer, even when I was suffering because he hurt me. Maybe I'm weird like that, but isn't love weird? Makes you do things you wouldn't normally do, like write a blog about how happily in love you are..............

GOOD MORNING.

"This may come out harsh..........."

2006-06-07T13:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, all my friends know that when I preface any statement with that line I am about to be painfully blount and all tact will be thrown out of the window. It's basically NO HOLDS BARRED at that point! As if I had any tact to begin with!!!!!! But anyway I've noticed something that bothers me A LOT!!! I've been in the game since 1994 and it is just so prevalent now that I just have to speak out about it.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE GAY, HAVE A CUTE FACE, AND A HALF DECENT BODY DOES NOT MEAN THAT GOD HAS PUT YOU ON EARTH TO BE A MODEL!!! I mean it's just rediculous at this point. Why does every (maybe not EVERY) gay male, specifically BLACK male, between 18 and 40 who gets the smallest compliment from anyone seem to think they are destined for greatness in the world of modeling. Just check out the website ModelMayhem.com and you'll see. Not that some are not suited for this industry, but let's WAKE UP PEOPLE (that's why I always say GOOD MORNING at the end of my blogs)!!! Can we as young gay, black men aspire for anything else. Why settle for allowing yourself to constantly judged on just your looks and/or physical appearance? Just because I tell you that you are cute doesn't mean that it's time for you to right out and develop and portfolio and wait for several dozen magazines to begin beating down your door just to put your face in print. Most of these "aspiring model/actor/singer/fill in the blank"s can't tell tell you anything about the industry except which clothes are currently in style. How about doing your homework on the industry? I'd put any amount of money on the fact that none of these people can tell me the name of the first black male model to make it in a magazine or on TV. I'm not coming down on models as a whole, but I think that the issue lies deeper.

"Okay class, raise your hand if you want to be a singer, model, actor, or entertainer when you grow up." (*****Silence as the teacher, who's class is full of gay black men, counts the hands of 98% of the class*****) Alright I may be exagerating with the 98%, let's go with 97%. But anyway, can't we aspire for more? What will happen to these individuals? They will fail miserably to even crack the surface of this exclusive industry and end up doing porn or something. Then we'll have more sights like cocodorm, where guys with no-so-cute face and way-too-small penis try to earn a living buy having unprotected sex on the internet for all the world to see (Oh yeah, and don't forget the contracting of As I Die Slowly, that would be my little name for AIDS).

Let me tell you how this happens, let's paint a little picture for you: Some random gay black male in his early 20s decides that he's gonna beg his mom for permission to go to the club tonight or just sooner decided to sneak out of the house for the night. After "fleeting", showering, putting on his requisite pair of designer jeans and timbs, then selecting and top, he bathes himself in some cologne and calls his "good Judy" to come and pick him up. While riding to the club they talk about who they are gonna pick up at "the bar" and compliment each other on how "sickening" they each look tonight. With his freshly cut, edged, and processed hair, pearly white smile he then enters the club, to the looks and stares of many. Then he thinks to himself, they are all "hotty for my body" as he quickly takes off his shirt revealing his tank top which seems to be painted onto his bulging pecs. He then looks around and winks and smiles at some little fem bottom causing them to get weak in the knees while he waits for the endless sea of guys that try to hit on him by walking past him 39 times all-the-while staring into his eyes or coming up to him and asking him "Don't I know you from somewhere?" or telling their overly loud, feminine best friend to go over to him and tell him "My friend over there thinks you're cute" or something to that affect. Now that his ego is inflated he feels that the whole world is his playgroung and that he should "bless" the world with the oppotunity to his beautiful face and body in print on screen. GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK!!!!!

Why do so many of us young people try to find the quickest and easiest road to success, and why does success always have to be measured upon whether or not you are in the public eye. I think that at this point I'm just ranting and raving. I'll share some more later. I just needed this little break and some time to get my mind off of my STUPID doctoral dissertation, which is kicking my ASS!!

GOOD MORNING.

It's time to be me..........

2006-05-20T19:30:00.000-04:00

Somewhere in my rambling on and on about this and that I have gone away from being me and talking or discussing the things that I am REALLY passionate about. One of the subjects that I am MOST passionate about is Sports, so that's what we will discuss today. I mean in all actuality, those subjects that I have discussed thus far take up about 20% of my daily thought processes. The other 80% is consumed by Sports. Where to start.........hmmmm...........so many topics....so little time. Seeing as how I'm hashing out those subjects that I mentioned in my very first post, I guess I shall go with one of those.

STUART SCOTT IS NOT HUMAN!!!! That's right, you heard it here first. If you are a big sports fan like myself, you will relate to the next few sentences.

Every REAL guy wakes up in the morning and immediately turns to ESPN. He then watches hour, on hour, on hour of the same Sports Center broadcast. Each time paying closer attention to what's going on than the previous, as if he hasn't just watched the exacy same thing an hour ago, two hours ago, and on the weekend, three and four hours ago.

But as I digress, I can't escape the subject at hand, Mr. Scott. The folks down at ESPN went a long time pulling the wool over our eyes, making us believe that he is one of us, but like everything, the truth always comes to the surface. Let's start with the apperently obvious. That creepy little eye problem he has going on is the first sign. I mean haven't we seen this before.......RoboCop...Terminator........every robot, android, or science project gone bad has that one eye that's all jacked up. You just mark my words, that eyes is going to turn completely red in another year or so, there will be a red laser shooting out of it, and then Armageddon will be upon us. Now go with me here as I morph into Oliver Stone for a minute. ESPN is becoming larger than life. They've got 39 different cable channels from ESPN to ESPN Classic to ESPN U to ESPN Underwater Basket-weaving. They're on the internet, they have a magazine, they have their own awards show, and now they have even gotten into the cellphone business. Not only are they everywhere you look, but guess who owns ESPN......that's right you named it, Disney. Those who live here in Florida know that Disney is like the common cockroach, they can survive a nuclear meltdown. They have underground bunkers and everything. Here's where the conspiracy theory comes into play. What if they were using Stuart Scott (the robot) to send messages to the other aliens or robots or whatever he is and through those messages they began Armaggedon and a turn of events that would rock the mighty fabric of our human existence, causing an extinction level event rivaling nothing ever in the history of time!!!!!!!!! (God I love being overly dramatic) Okay, but really though, the guy is scary to look at to say the least.

I really think what's going on is the execs at ESPN feel the need to insult the intelligence of black people across America. When I watch this guy on Sports Center, which by the way is supposed to be ESPN's premier news broadcast, his futile attempts to connect with the black view is met with ridicule and disdain to say the least. I was born in the ghetto and raised in the hood muself, and have NEVER heard some of the assinine statements that he rants on with in the broadcast. And they have the nerve to put him on the Sunday Night edition, which is their extended broadcast. He sets us as black folks back at least 80 years. I know he's from North Carolina and all, but I know plenty people from that area and they don't talk like that. There is no need to dumb down a reputable news show for the sake of trying to attract black viewers, it's insulting. Think about this next time you see Mr. Scott on Sports Center.

GOOD MORNING.

Unfinished work.........

2006-05-02T09:48:00.000-04:00

So much unfinished business........where to start....... It's been about a month since I've been able to post because I've been so busy. Well peeps I have "officially" started my doctoral dissertation, however "literally" i haven't touched it yet. Somehow as you can see, my office is still overwhelmed with unfinished work that I should have had done by now. But anyway I plan to get started sometime in the coming weeks. Today though, I would like to lighten the mood a little and talk about one of the 10 topics that I briefly discussed in my very first post. I said that I would talk about these topics eventually so since this is unfinished business I think that I should start to get to it.

BERT AND ERNIE ARE GAY!!!!! I hate to be the one that had to break it to you guys, but they are. I can remember being a sophomore in college when my roommate wore a t-shirt with these beloved characters on it. I told him that I liked the shirt and he then smiled and said, "Are you gay?," I was floored and immediately became defensive. He laughed it off and said he was just kidding. I asked him why would he ask me that. He then made me privvy to a piece of information that rocked my world and caused me to call into question everything that I grew beilieving was true as a child! Those five words that stumbled off of his lips at that moment would invalidate everything I grew up believing as a child (I love being overly dramatic!!!). The guy simply said, "Bert and Ernie are gay", and thought nothing of it. He said so easily, as if it were common knowledge and I was just "out of the loop". He left and I spent the next few ours pondering every possible memory that I every had of these beloved characters, and could do nothing butcome to the same conclusion. How could I be so blind?? How could I have allowed myself to not see what was so obvious?? I felt like I did when I first heard that George Michael was gay or like I did when I found out Tevin Campbell was gay. You feel like such an idiot for not seeing it early on.

Sesame Street started in the 1960s and those of us who grew up watching this program have become remarkably more tolerant and open to homosexuality than any generation before. Could this be because as children we were unconsciously conditioned to become comfortable with the thought of two men sleeping together and taking baths together and being close to one another?? Hmmm, makes you think, huh?? Imagine if Bert and Ernie were actual actors playing these roles, do we REALLY think their behavior would have been tolerated?? They wouldn't allow that today, much less back in the 1960s. Hell, they won't even let the guys on Will & Grave have contact with another man!! The power of Sesame Street!!!! Who would have thought???

What do you think??????????

GOOD MORNING

The Lost Generation

2006-04-03T10:30:00.000-04:00

You know I've been thinking about things lately and something came to my attention that really made me a little nervous. I realized that I am apart of what I would consider to be the "lost" generation. Here me out though while I explain. Those of us born approximately between 1969 and 1982 are members of what they call Generation X. Even the name of our generation tells us something. All throughout school we take math classes and are told that "x" is usually uknown. "X" is also always the shortest letter in the dictionary and encyclopedia. Most of us can't think of 3 words that start with the letter X. So even in naming are generation they didn't know what to make of us, but what I'm talking about goes a lot deeper than that.

I recently went to a Town Hall/Symposium hosted by Tavis Smiley for his new book, "Covenant with Black America." Not only do I have the book, but now I'm a card-carrying member of this covenant. But anyway, I've noticed that there is a HUGE disparity of leaders in my generation. I can't even name 3 black people, or even white for that matter, that I would consider to be an outright leader and someone to help lead my generation and carry this covenant and the issues affecting our people. The sad part about all of this is that my generation is statiscally far more intelligent and "book smart" than any generation before it. We have been exposed to a lot more at a younger age than all of our predecessors, however, we are doing nothing with it. Dr. King and Malcolm X both died before turning 40 and look what they were able to accomplish. The only prominent figures in my generation are entertainers, be they in music or acting. Many of the people I know between the ages of 24 and 34 still live with their parents!!! What happened?? Why is my generation like this??? How did we get to this point??

Rather than try to find reasons to blame for the plight of Generation X, I thought that it would be a good idea for me to get the word out that we have been a failure as a generation. What have we accomplished, besides make hip-hop and rap music one of the most marketable entities on Earth. Who do we look to for leadership and to carry the mantle that those DAMNED baby-boomers are going to pass down? I think that one of our problems is that we are too self-centered and concerned with furthering one's self as opposed to advancing us as a people. We are more concerned with what we can accomplish and how we can make ourselves look good as opposed to helping the community get better. Our predecessors were fighting for evreyone's rights, while we could care less about anyone else, just as long as it doesn't concern or bother us. What are we going to do to fix this problem?? Are we even aware that there is a problem??

GOOD MORNING

Make It All Go Away............

2006-03-24T16:33:00.000-05:00

Well I'm Back!! I told you guys that I'd work on trying to post more, so I'm trying to keep my end of the bargain. But anyway, as you all know I'm in a new relationship and I love the one that I'm with but I feel bad about something. I need something or somebody to make all this work go away!!! Like my best friends, Tony and Chris, I keep myself really busy. This is mainly because I usually don't have a significant other and to compensate for that I will make myself busy with a million and one legitimate things that I get myself involved with. Just look at my desk at work! I have SOOOOO much work to do and SOOOOO many things that I'm involved in and SOOOOO many things that I've been put in charge of that I really don't have time for anything or anybody. I think this does a huge disservice to my other half. I had all these responsibilities prior to us being together and now these things are getting in the way. The things that I'm involved in are things that I can't really get out of and are very important to me, however, so is the one I love. So now something has to be placed on the back burner and something has to go without the "services" (all puns intended) of Da Kid.

I often wake up extrememly tired and just want to stay in bed all day, but we all know that that isn't an option that us common, working folks have. My day is filled with so many different things and I constantly being pulled in a different direction by so many people that I get home and just want to lay down and sleep. When people call me on the phone and ask the usual question, "Whatchu doin'?", I usually reply, "Nothin", but in all actuality I'm in my bed with my laptop in my lap doin something else that should have been done like yesterday. In trying to spend time with my newfound loved one, I often go without doing something that I KNOW I need to get done. The problem is that rather than tell them that I have business to take care of and try to get it done, I just neglect it. I mean don't get me wrong, if it's THAT important I'll get it done, but those little things that I always pride myself on staying on top of and that makes me the best at what I do and the "go-to-guy" for anything I'm in have gone undone.

I enjoy the newness of my relationship and could really care less whether I neglect certain things that I used to take care of. My friends all understand that with a new relationship I have to spend less time with them and more time getting closer with "you know who", but work isn't a person, with thoughts and feelings and emotions. It is incapable of understanding this complicated thing called love. It is extrememly jealous, and doesn't want you to spend time on getting to or taking care of anything else but IT. At the same time I can't very well expect my new found love to continue to grow and flourish if I don't spend time working on it. What is a brother to do??

Guess this means that my desk is gonna get a lot more messy......the wall behind my headboard will have a lot more dents and holes......and E Brand will be a lot happier...................

GOOD MORNING

I'm just SOOOO fat!

2006-03-22T10:05:00.000-05:00

That's right, I'm fat. Your resident porker here, eating and taking it in like I always do. But I'm not fat in the perverbial sense, it's different you know. I'm full of all the crap and bullshit that people, be they friends or significant others, have been feeding me over the years. Why have I allowed myself to become obese with crap. I mean come on Elton!!! I've taken in all the abuse, all the drama, all the heartache, all the pain, and some other things too!! (MY friends know what I mean.) The problem isn't that I've taken in these things, the problem is that I won't let them go. I'm just fat.

Being fat has meant that I've had to carry all this crap around everywhere I go, in every relationships, through every friendship,whenver I meet anyone new, and "I just don't know how I feel about that!!!" Year after year I've added on pound after freaking pound of "fat" and to tell you the truth, It's all my own DAMN fault. I carry all this crap around with me and it makes me prejudge the people I love. I'm a pessimist at heart and I always assume the worst in everything and everybody, mainly because of past experinces and indiscretions. I'm sick of being fat; time to shed a few pounds. Who says bulemia is a bad thing!

It's time to throw it all up. I'm in a rather new relationship and it's time to shed all these pounds of "fat" that I've gathered over the years. It's time for the old slim and trim Elton to come out. I've been in the game since Labor Day 1994 and you can only imagine what 12 years of accumulating fat can do to a brother. Time to let it all go. So what I've been hurt.....so what I've been disappointed.....so what I've been cheated.....so what I've had my world turned upside down.....so what people are bastards.....SO WHAT!!!! It happens to everyone. It's time me to let that shyt go. I think that's maybe why my past relationships didn't work out. We all know that truthfully, no on wants to date a "fat" person, it's unattractive. So from now on, I'm gonna resort to bulemia; when bad things happen, I'm just gonna get rid of it. I'd like to thank my friends for putting up with me and my obesity problems for so long.

For those of you keeping score, yes, it's been a long time since I updated my blog and I have been through a very painful and bitter breakup and am now HAPPILY in a new relationship. I'll do my best to keep up to date on my posting. THERE'S JUST NEVER ENOUGH TIME!!!!!!!!!

Good Morning

Family Fun....

2005-07-28T19:41:00.000-04:00

Well kiddos, over the weekend, Saturday to be exact, I was in the bridal party of one of my dearest cousin's funeral. We are extremely close so it was important to both her and I that I participate in the wedding. The ceremony went by beautifully without a hitch. It made you want to grab the one you love, hold them tight and plant a fat one right on their lips. I mean just watching the ceremony I could do nothing but be elated for my cousin and her new husband.

Now that we have gotten all that good shit out of the way let me REALLY tell you about what happened. Does the word "ghetto" mean anything to you people, because that's the ONLY word that I can think of to describe the whole ordeal from this weekend. I'm not talking bout "sunflower seeds" ghetto.....no, no , no, I'm talking "pouring-the-KoolAid-powder-on-your-pickle" ghetto!!

As you all can probably guess, with me living in Miami and all, the groom had to have the REQUISITE gold teeth, temporarily blinding everyone in the church and at the reception everytime the photographer snapped a picture. Can someone explain to me the purpose of having a ringbearer, some little porker that was related to the groom, carrying some pillow down the aisle and there's nothing on it. The kid was about 250 lbs, 4'7", and all but sprinted down the aisle. It had to have been the first time he hit that speed in the last 4 yours!! Mind you, he was supposed to be slowly marching down the aisle to "For You" by Kenny Lattimore. And another thing, why does a 5-year-old flower girl have to have difficulty holding her head up because she was weighed down by the mounds of weave that had just been glued in the night before. I'd give anything for the little brats to throw out more than 2 rose petals before bursting into tears and ala the ring bearer, sprinting to the front of the church. What would a ghetto wedding be like without a FAT bridesmaid trying to fit her rolls into a minidress that belongs on a Barbie doll.

Then there was the reception where, like at all black events, the was black-on-black violence. The two families were getting it down right there at the damn reception. We went from doing the all to popular Electric Slide to reinacting every bar fight scene every to hit the silver screen. Far-be-it for me to think that we as black people could peacefully make it through a wedding reception without each table being draped with a bottle of Seagram's Gin and at least 3 Heinekens. I mean why should I think it strange that an 84-year-old gramdma is dropping it like it's hot, circa every video skank in any hip-hop video. I mean I looked and the dance floor and one point and thought I looking at the Juveline video for "Back That Ass Up". All of this took place after Wrestlemania 839 took place between the 2 families. Of course, yours truly and the bride came through it all unscaved.

Of course as you can see I have some Hennesey in my hand just so that I could make it through this whole ordeal. It was fun and memorable, but these are the types of events that you can only take once every 4 years, kinda like having to stomach a Republican winning a presidential election.

GOOD MORNING

2005-07-20T18:39:00.000-04:00

Don't you love my wonderful face!!!

The Genesis

2005-07-20T18:27:00.000-04:00

....and so it all begins! This is my very first blog and already two sentences in I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing. Thanks to my best friend Mr. Tony Keith, who started his own blog a few weeks ago, the whole world will be privy to some of the inner-most thoughts of Elton. Just so you know, my friends call me "E", "Elt", "El", "E Lewis", "E Brand", or just simply "Elton." Those people who don't know me usually stick with "E" or "Elton."

Now that you know what to call me I feel that I should give you a little background on myself. I'm a twenty-something, professional black male that resides in Miami, FL. I'm working on my PhD and I also work fulltime. I promise that I WILL NOT go into detail on this blog about what I do for a living. It's not that I'm ashamed or don't like what I do, but I just hate talking about work all the time. I love sports, music (all genres), Comedy Central, the Golden Girls, and sex. Hey, what can I say, I'm a guy! I sometimes like to talk about myself in third person. If this annoys you, GET OVER IT!!! Most people tell me that when they first meet me I am not very approachable. They say that I have this look on my face that says, "I kill puppies for a living." I don't know what it is, but once people muster up enough courage to break the ice and speak I am one of the nicest people you want to know.

Get used to it now people, I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am very opinionated, untactful, pessimistic, and sometimes hysterically funny. Most of my opinions will be on sports or events in pop culture, but every now and again I will venture into the political arena. Here are some of my key ideologies: (1) Yes, OJ did it! (2) Tiger Woods is NOT, I repeat, IS NOT a black man!!! (3) Bert and Ernie are gay. (4) Spongebob Square Pants personifies everything that is evil in our society. (5) Life is too short to beat around the bush, so ask for sex within the first 30 minutes of meeting someone. (6) The Golden Girls are a necessity of life!!! (7) Stuart Scott is not a human, rather a robot that the big wigs of ESPN roll out whenever they feel it's time to reach the "black" population (we'll save this topic for another date). (8) People who don't speak English, but live in America should have their privilege of having children revoked. (9) If you are over 35 years old and still don't have a bachelor's degree now isn't the time to start busting out those applications for admission into your local university or college. (10) I don't have to agree with what you do with your life, and frankly, I PROBABLY DON'T!!!

This is how it all begins......I wonder what opinions you people are forming about me already. I know I'm a bastard, an asshole, a dick, a hater, and any other expletive you'd like to fill the blank with, and I'll accept that. But just don't forget to put horny somewhere in there when you are describing me.

I will choose to always end the same way. I will always leave with GOOD MORNING because you people need to wake up and maybe after my rants and raves you will be urged to wake up.

GOOD MORNING